Sometimes you just cannot control the feelings. Sonetimes kahit anong tago mo nandyan oa rin talaga and hindi talaga natin yan matatakbuhan. Kahit take it or leave it na kasabihan e walang binatbat. So here’s a thread I twitted. Nagpapakatotoo lang. Nagve-vent out lang. And I must admit this is one of the reasons why I am disappointed.
Yung mga super busy days and nights ko at mga sleepless nights ko super worth it! Napakasaya ko. Hehe. Dami kong pasabog sa blog na itooo at iisa isahin ko talaga yan lahat!
Bawat tawag ko ay parang "I love you"
At ang pagsagot mo ay understood ko na, na
"I love you too."
Hindi ako magsasawang gawin ito
Dahil kahit wala kang internet,
salamat sa Telepono.
Sino bang hindi namomroblema? Lahat naman tayo may kanya-kanyang pinagdadaanan sa buhay, yung pinagdadaanan mong yan, naku, maswerte ka pa at iyan lang ang isipin mo sa ngayon! Maging masaya ka, kasi walang makaka-agaw nun sayo
Isa lang yung napatunayan ko eh, lahat pala talaga natututunan. Totoo yan. Nung medyo kabataan ko pa, I mean teenage to 21y/o, hanep, ibang iba ang perspective ko nun sa buhay. I mean, eto naman na talaga ako and I know my self more than anyone else in the world could know me and kahit pala kilala ko na ang sarili ko, hindi pa rin tama ang ilang mga desisyong nagagawa ko sa buhay ko. That’s why yung phrase na “Papunta ka lang, pabalik na ako.” Eh na imbento. Nauunawaan ko na yun ng husto ngayon. Dahil as we grow up, as we mature, maiisip mo na lang na “Shit, ang tanga ko nung kabataan ko.” And remember that is totally OK. 😂 Lahat nadaan dyan. Hindi tayo matututo kung di tayo magkakamali.
So yun nga mga bes, Choose Happiness. Ang ibig sabihin ko dyan, let go of what makes you feel unimportant. Kung may jowa ka, at lagi kayong magka-away, and you feel that he is not worth your time dahil di nya nagagawa yung mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sayo, wag kang malungkot, please. Walang may kasalanan. He/She is loving you the way he knows how to love you and you want to be loved the way you liked to be but he cannot. Let go mo na Bes. You will never appreciate him/her kahit pa anong gawin mo.
OR ELSE, you will adjust to the situation. Mag-isip ka, gusto mo bang magkaroon ng peace of mind? Mahal mo sya di ba at gusto mo masaya kayo? Kaya mo na bang maging happy sa kung ano lang ang kaya nyang gawin for your relationship? Do you promise that you can stop comparing him/her to other people out there who you think is an “Ideal Couple”?
Kasi yung totoong Happiness, makukuha mo yun and nobody will give you that. It all starts within you. Kung hindi perpekto ang partner mo, ikaw rin naman. Di ka nya mapasaya, how sure are you that you are doing your best just to make him/her happy?
Yes baka nageeffort ka nga, yes baka gumagastos ka nga, but yung mga nagagawa nya, nakita mo ba? Kelan nga ulit yung last time na na-appreciate mo sya?
Rule No.2, Kung feel mo hindi nyo naappreciate ang isa’t-isa. Let go na.
Another situation,
Stressful ang work, studies, kahit sa bahay, yung mga barkada mo at kaibigan, they are all giving you stress. Still, choose happiness. Kung may masamang nangyare, kung may mga bagay na hindi nangyayare the way you EXPECTED, think of yourself first. The moment na may nangyaring nakakaasar, it is either it is your choice or napasabit ka lang. You cannot control the bad times Bes, kagaya lang yan ng mga unexpected blessings sa buhay natin, you will never know when it will come. That’s why, accept the things you cannot control and do not hold on to it. Kung pasaway sila, let them. You cannot make them stop doing the things they like to do. Iisipin mo wala silang consideration? Okay, maybe and maybe not. Divert your mind to another things. Madami pa dyang pwedeng pagka abalahan. Magsulat ka, manahi ka ng damit mong nabutas, magcolor ka ng coloring book, maglista ka ng places na gusto mong puntahan then be inspired. Kailangan maging busy ang utak mo lalo na when you are alone and when you feel alone. Magisip ka na lang kung paano gaganda pa ang buhay mo rather than how to make them stop doing what they are doing. Eventually, they will stop when they feel like. Don’t make something or someone forcibly miss you, because if they are ready, they will look for you.
Okay na Bes? Hehe.
Choose happiness. And you will be free.
Para sa mga babaeng broken, nagpatawad pero hindi makalimot, nasasaktan pa rin, in short, sa mga hindi maka-move on,
Kumusta? Ganon pa rin? Okay ngayon, tapos mamaya kapag solo ka na lang maiisip mo na naman. Mapapangiti na lang o minsan mapapailing, kasi naman, kahit tinanggap mo na, masakit pa rin.
Alam ko na kapag kasama mo sya, masaya ka at kuntento, pero kapag hindi na sya matanaw ng mata mo, o kapag alam mong sobrang layo na ninyo, andyan na naman ang kalaban ng kasiyahan mo. Overthinking.
Nakakaiyak isipin, pero ang sarap iiyak, ano? Sige lang. Ilabas mo lang yung nararamdaman mo. Kasi kapag hindi mo hinarap ang nararamdaman mo hindi naman yan mawawala, lalo lang yang lalala. Lalo ka lang makakaramdam ng galit, poot, hinakakit kapag pinigilan mo. Ifeel mo lang yang sakit na yan dahil hindi ka magiging masaya kung hindi mo yan mararamdaman eh.
Hindi mahalaga kung mag-isa ka lang ngayon. Hindi mahalaga kung walang handang makinig sa'yo, minsan sapat na yung sarili mo lang para mailabas ang mga nararamdaman mo. Humarap ka sa salamin at kausapin mo ang sarili mo. Hindi ka baliw, normal ka. AT Okay lang mapag-isa.
Enjoyin mo ang sarili mo at magpakalaya ka. Be confident,magsaya ka ng hindi ka bumabawi, magsaya ka ng may good intentions, magsaya ka because you deserve the most special treatment for yourself more than what you can give to others. Alam kong pagod ka na, pero ang totoong nagmamahal sayo, hahanapin ka.
Minsan sa buhay natin kailangan natin masaktan. Kung sinasaktan ka nila, hayaan mo sila, magpasalamat ka kasi ibang iba ka sa kanila. Mas mabuti kang tao. Pagpapalain ka, at sila they will get a day they always deserve. Minsan kailangan rin natin yung magtiis dahil ang kapalit noon ay sobra-sobrang kaligayahan. Walang libre sa mundo, kaya lahat ng bagay dala ng hindi natin pagiging perpekto, eh hindi natin makukuha ng buong buo kung kaligayahan lang ang pagbabasehan mo. Lahat may kapalit.
Nakakapagtaka ano, ang bait mo naman, mabuti ka namang tao pero nasaktan ka pa rin. Pinaasa ka pa rin, pinaiyak ka pa rin. Yung mga inaapi daw ang Paborito ng Dios. Yung mga mapagkumbaba, kasi sila yung may gift na magmahal ng paulit ulit at magpatawad ng walang sawa. Kaya lang naman tayo nasasaktan dahil sa ating PRIDE. Lagi kong sinasabi, madami pa pala tayong kakaining bigas para mas maunawaan ang buhay, hindi rin pala; kahit pala kakaunting bigas pa lang ang kainin mo, basta mababa ang loob mo at maunawain ka, gagaan ang lahat. Daanin na lang natin sa positive way ang mga ito. Lilipas rin.
Hindi ka naniniwala na lilipas rin?
Hehe. May mga bagay na wala tayong control at ang kailangan lang natin eh sabayan ang agos. Kung hindi mo na mahal, iwanan mo, kung di ka na sasaya sa kanya, wag mo na lokohin ang sarili mo. Ngayon, kung nasasaktan ka at mahal na mahal mo, at kung aalis ka na pero hindi nya binibitawan ang kamay mo kasabay ng mga pangakong "Hindi na kita sasaktan Mahal ko." Bigyan mo ng pagkakataon ang taong ito.
Dahil sa hinaba-haba ng proseso ng lovelife ng tao, minsan lang tayo magiging masaya ng puro.
Sabi ko noon, I know everything already. Sabi ko noon, I am better already.
Kada taon, ganoon. And now, I can still say that I am the better version of myself than yesterday. Kulang lang talaga ako minsan sa self-appreciation. Nangyayari talaga yun lalo na kapag dumadaan ang challenges sa buhay. And that is tearing me down. Kay God lang ako nakapit to restore my self esteem kasi when I am down, I cannot appreciate myself. Dun na nagsisimulang hanapin ko ang importance ko from other people. Which I later on realized eh, slightly wrong. (Hehe not very sure pa rin eh ano?)
Eh kasi yun naman talaga ang nature ng psychology natin kapag down, hinahanap ang importance sa iba. Bulag na bulag na eh at kinakain ng sistema, pero hopefully, sooner or later makikita mo rin yun sa sarili mo. And that long lost feeling when it get back, is the greatest feeling ever existed. Kung naaappreciate mo ang sarili mo you will appreciate others too. Very nice huh.
Naisip ko lang, last year I am super worried about my future. Wala namang masama magworry but then yung super worried ay nagiging paranoid na rin ako and that does not help me grow. Lalo na kapag yung mga tao sa paligid mo eh tinotolerate pa ang pagiging ganyan mo.
Sometimes, we need people that will tell us to "stop". Yung tipong pag sinabi nila wala ka ng choice kundi sumunod, dahil alam mo na rin sa sarili mo na kelangan mo nang tumigil pero di mo magawa. Those people are the people that you appreciate the most. Kasi kung hindi, hindi ka na naman makikinig. 😂
LOL what are you going to do without them kaya. Just wondering. Well at least, little by little, you might feel you need to learn it by yourself too. And that's nice.
I just remember my boyfriend tonight. I really can see him as a blessing to me. Hiningi ko sya kay God. I know that he is coming to me before and I love the fact that he is getting closer to me kaya hinangad ko na rin sya. Since my feeling is genuine kaya hindi na talaga ako nagdalawang isip. I know I love him. I know that person will help me grow. I know that he is the one I have been looking for. And the things I did to keep him? I never realized that I am going to be the best version of me. Nagsipag pa lalo, nagkaroon ng pagmamahal sa sarili while loving him too, basta naging open ako sa pagbabago na noon ay saradong sarado ang utak ko. If I could only have more time with him sa Pinas, nagawa ko na.
Pero dahil parehas nga kaming OFW, seaman sya at landbased naman ako, hindi kami magkasama ng matagal.
Sinulat ko 'to kasi, sometimes hindi ko makita ang worth ko. At sa almost 2 years ko ng nag aabroad akala ko wala pa akong nagagawa. Hindi ko lang talaga kasi hilig bilangin ang mga bagay na nagagawa ko at lagi kong iniisip na "wala ako" dahil I want to stay humble as possible. Pero on the other hand, depende naman pala talaga yun. Hindi naman ako mahilig mag-bida sa tao ng mga nagagawa ko. Enough na yung alam ko sa sarili ko. Feeling ko kasi hindi pa yun dapat ipagmalaki, pero para sa sarili ko ngayon kapag down ako, dapat pala isaisahin ko yun sa isip ko. Wala akong dahilan para ma-down. Andami ko na palang nagawa. Andami ko na palang natulungan. And what are they going to do without me? This 22 year old adult did a lot already. Minsan wala rin masamang mag-feel good sa sarili. Masarap rin sa pakiramdam to the point na hindi naman ako nagmamalaki ha. I just like it when I can see these people happy because of me. Ang sarap lang sa pakiramdam ng makapagpasaya ka kahit hindi ako araw-araw masaya. They will remember me. Yun ang mahalaga sakin. Yun ang reward na natatanggap ko, yung LOVE, appreciation at genuineness ng iba. Kahit hindi mismong sa kanila galing ang bumabalik sakin pero si God binibiyayaan pa rin ako.
Mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko at sana lagi akong ganoon. Sana magkaroon ako ng soft heart. Sana maging mas madali akong magpatawad. Sana mas maging mabait pa ako. Sana mas maging appreciative pa ako. Sana mas makita ko pa lahat ng goodness in life. Sana tumatak ako sa buhay ng mga taong nakapaligid sakin. Sana, kahit ganito lang ako, hindi sila magsawang magmahal at magpakatotoo saakin.
Thank you Lord at ganito ako. I love you po!
Everyday, I met random people in different situations.
I love talking to elders, because I can get some ideas and knowledge that can help me grow as an individual.
Most of the time, i am asking for their love lifes.
One old woman looks very young in her 60's and yes she is a Spanish. She is living alone in her house and I asked where is her husband. She said he died few years ago.
But you know what, she looks young and always smiling. She looks happy.
I ask what is her secret knowing that when someone you love passed away hurts really bad. She answered briefly,
Acceptance.
There are things that we cannot change, she said. Life is short to make everything complicated.
...
Another old woman I know is divorced.
Almost same age with the first old woman. But she looks strict and likes criticism that much. Sometimes she is pissing me off. But she is also nice.
I met her ex-husband one time and he is very funny person. Opposite of what his ex-wife has.
I guess she is not happy. I guess there is a lot of things happened before. I guess she never accepted life. Or i don't know. There are people who can handle problmes and struggles very well and there are people who can not.
Life is unfair? Maybe. Maybe not. We are all human beings. We are not perfect. We just need to choose how to deal with everything.
The key is in our hand.
-Vhey Razon
July 24, 2016
Arturo Soria, Madrid, Spain
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